|
 |
| As The Crow's Feet Fly |
"My God! What happened? Are you OK?"
The counterman of my neighborhood coffee shop was shocked by my appearance. I explained, as quietly as I could, that my "shiners" were the result of cosmetic surgery.
"You paid to have somebody to that to you?"
I ordered my coffee to go. And went. |
A Delayed Reaction
Three days before, I'd had laser surgery to remove crows' feet from the edges of my eyes. Immediately afterward, I had checked myself out in the mirror. I looked no worse than if I'd applied a little too much "Cherries in the Snow" to my cheeks.
The next day, I went to lunch at a fancy restaurant. Nobody commented on my appearance.
By the third day, the shiners arrived. The doctor had warned me rather casually, I subsequently decided, that this sometimes occurred as a result of the anesthetic injections that preceded the zapping. And, starting with the coffee server, I encountered reactions that ranged from tactless to brutal.
|
| Too Polite to Let Them Have It |
I headed from the coffee shop into a natural foods store. "What happened?" blurted out the clerk. "Did you have a skiing accident?"
"Not to worry," I waved away his question, as I paid. "This wasn't an accident. I planned it."
I got raised eyebrows. I got oblique references to domestic violence. I wanted to lecture each person who so assaulted me on the etiquette of such a response. But I was too polite to do so.
At the end of the day, I paid a visit to my five-year-old nephew Robert. A look of puzzled concern replaced his usual sunny smile. "Aunt Mary, who did that to you?"
I told him the doctor had done it, because I wanted to look younger and gorgeous.
"Well, you don't," he informed me.
A five-year-old can say exactly what's on his mind. But one expects more diplomacy from an adult. Though my shiners have disappeared, the urge to dictate a few rules of thumb about the sensitive subject of commenting on someone's appearance has not. |
| Some Do's And Don'ts |
| If you run into someone whose appearance is markedly different and you suspect cosmetic surgery (or something worse), follow these suggestions: |
|
Don't blurt out a comment. The other person is undoubtedly feeling sensitive about his or her appearance, so avoid any exaggerated reaction.
Don't ask. Even if you're dying to know, it's bad manners to ask if a person has had a "nose job or "eye job".
In fact, those terms should be avoided altogether. Instead, say something like: "You look wonderful. Whatever you've been doing lately agrees with you."
If the other person wants to let you in on the details, leave it to him or her to do so. (Remember this tactic also if you suspect someone is pregnant. There is no exchange more embarrassing than when one person says, "When is the baby due?" and the other responds, "There is no baby. I'm just fat.") |
| Don't Criticize. |
If a person tells you he or she is contemplating cosmetic surgery, resist the temptation to call it a "crazy idea" and to talk the person out of it.
It is equally important not to agree that the person does, indeed, need the work done. Respect the ability of others to decide for themselves, and honor their choices.
If a person tells you the cosmetic surgery has been done, the safest response is to ask if he or she is pleased with the results. Even if pressed, never criticize what you see. This is a classic "shoot the messenger" situation. The most diplomatic response, when a flaw is pointed out, is to say, " I see what you mean, but only when you point it out." |
| Don't gossip. |
Never volunteer the names to others you know who have had cosmetic surgery. In fact, any gossiping about the subject is out of line. "Cosmetic" surgery is, in fact, surgery and therefore serious business.
|
| Be solicitous. |
When people tell you they have had cosmetic surgery, ask how they're feeling both physically and mentally. If you're the one who has had the surgery and you look markedly different, make it easier on those around you by opening the conversational door but be warned. Not everyone will have read these guidelines.
|
|
