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| U Recover - On Entertaining People in Recovery |
| By Mary Mitchell |
Many of us have friends, relatives, colleagues and acquaintances who are alcoholics in recovery (whether we know it or not) or simply don't drink alcohol.
Particularly around the holidays, people who are planning dinner or cocktail parties ask me how they should best deal with teetotaling guests. The answer comes straight from the 12-Step programs - "Keep It Simple". |
A typical question: "What do I do when I’m hosting recovering alcoholics? How do I make them feel welcome without singling out the problem by offering ginger ale, for example?" My answer, consistently, has been, "Simply ask, ‘What would you like to drink?'"
No one need ever apologize for not drinking alcohol, and this question is exactly what you would ask any guest. A good host will have a variety of beverages, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, on hand. I find that cranberry juiced mixed with ginger ale, orange juice or sparkling water are some festive alternatives to alcohol-based cocktails. |
| Caron Foundation Tips on 'Recovery Etiquette' |
The Caron Foundation, a nationally recognized addiction treatment center, offers these "recovery etiquette" tips for thoughtful hosts.
- Don’t make a big deal of it.
There are plenty of reasons people say no to cocktails. They include preference, dieting, interactions with medications, and serving as designated driver, as well as being in recovery from alcoholism. There is no reason to differentiate one guest’s reason for abstaining from another’s. If someone declines a drink, don’t ask why. - Feel free to serve alcoholic beverages at your gathering.
You need not plan your party around a guest you know is in recovery. "Alcoholism comes in a person, not in a bottle," says Todd Whitmer, senior executive officer of the Caron Foundation. The recovering alcoholic won’t suddenly relapse if alcohol is available. - Include non-alcoholic beverages in your holiday offerings.
While some non-drinkers will drink non-alcoholic beer and wine, most recovering alcoholics prefer beverages that don’t look or taste like the real thing. Stock your bar with sparkling water and apple cider, soft drinks and juices.
- If you’re serving wine at the table, offer guests a choice of wine or an alternative such as mineral water as you pour.
- Foods cooked with wine, brandy, and other spirits long enough to destroy the alcoholic content are technically OK. Most, but not all, recovering alcoholics feel comfortable eating them, so let guests know what’s cooked with alcohol.
- Foods prepared with uncooked alcohol are another matter. Fruitcake laced with brandy and sweets such as rum balls are generally off limits. If you include them on your buffet table, label them so the recovering alcoholic can steer clear. If you are passing the foods personally, be sure to say what’s in the dishes.
- Let guests know if any punches contain alcohol.
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| Your Duty as a Host |
Remember, too, that quite a few people who aren't problem drinkers wind up imbibing too much at holiday parties.
No host should ever allow a guest to drive after having too much to drink. Instead, send the guest home in a taxi. Or recruit another guest to drive him or her home, discreetly. That might sound like, "Todd, I’d really appreciate it if you’d drive Peter home. That way all of us can be sure he’ll arrive there safely."
Another option is to let the guest sleep over in your home. |
| Holiday Toasts Don't Require Alcohol |
You should also know that alcohol isn’t essential for a toast. Any beverage will do, and so will any time of the day. All that’s necessary is to lift one’s glass, coffee cup, or soft-drink can. For some historical perspective about toasting, read on.
The toast originated during the Middle Ages, when people put a piece of scorched bread into a tankard of beer or wine because they thought it improved the flavor of the drink. The custom of putting a piece of toast in a drink is still followed in England – albeit rarely.
An Irish proverb says that toasts are like a woman’s skirt. They should be long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to be amusing. That usually translates into about one minute. |
| Good manners seek the kind action |
| Good hosts will always be aware of their guests and do whatever it takes to make them feel comfortable. Put yourself in your guest’s shoes and behave accordingly. Usually, this just means blending common sense, grace, and compassion. What could be a better holiday attitude? |
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